Read this email I received from a reader who is having problems in online dating because he is separated–not officially divorced.My divorce is amicable and I maintain a good relationship with my ex.There’s no love there though, we’ve clearly moved on. I have my stuff together…own my own place, pursuing an MBA, good job, do the best for my kids, and I’m in a good place right now.I’m not looking to rush back into a marriage, but I’m looking to date with an intent on finding a relationship.Each situation is different but what you can say with a high degree of certainty is that someone who’s just fallen out of their marriage, who’s still in reconciliation negotiations, who’s still very influenced by their spouse, and who has been separated for a long time ‘just because’, is going to bring pain into your life.Same goes for someone who’s not over their divorce and has beliefs that affect their ability to be committed.I personally know people who have gotten together while one party was separated, and in one case the wife refused to sign so they had to wait for it to lapse and got married as soon as it did a few years later, and in the other instances where it worked out, there was no faffing about with the divorce, Future Faking etc.
That was my first mistake, especially since I hadn't been in the dating game since Tinder even existed. He also said his mind was made up and he'd moved on. We connected and spent a few hours sipping beer and chatting. Him: married, seperated from the woman he had been with for more than eight years, with whom he shared a son. He also loved making plans that he had no intention of following through on. Maybe it was the night that he texted me, "Home with the ex and baby tonight. It was the way I wondered if they were sharing a bed.
It’s what feels right for me and I feel ready for it.
I wouldn’t fear being exclusive with the right person.
Being separated and not dating is one of the hardest temptations to resist. You'll also make your decision about more than just what you want.
Decide wisely because a lot of heartache is at stake.